yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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