We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
