you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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