He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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