Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
