I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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