I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
