Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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