so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
