So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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