You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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