I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
