I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
