but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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