so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
