that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
