Whod you bang
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
