it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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