Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
