I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hotel room ftw
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
