I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
