Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
