Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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