Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
