i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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