I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
