whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
