would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
