I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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