Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
