She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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