That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
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She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
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My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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