this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
