filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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