I will die if light touches me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
