Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
