Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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