I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
