you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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