Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
