life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
