As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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