Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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