You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
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Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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