can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
