remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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