Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
