I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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