You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
