Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
