Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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