all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We are two peas in an std pod
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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