We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
