sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
