I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
