so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
