day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
