"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
