Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
