I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
