Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
