Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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