This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
