Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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