my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He? As in you personified your dick?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
