id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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