Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
