Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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