first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
