the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
