I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
