Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I love you.
Bad choice
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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