so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
