Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
